Help...
Posted by Tired Out on April 25, 2002 at 16:31:01: Previous Next
Hi fellow longhairs.
I need help. For a while now I've had shoulder length hair. I am still in high school and I am 17 years old. The problem is...Im tired of it all. Don't get me wrong I really love my hair and I have taken a lot of time and effort to keep it in good condition.
The problem is the endless insults and jeers I get. I can't walk from one tuition to the next without some remark. I know you all say to ignore it, but to be honest after over a year of derogatory remarks...Im tired. It really hurts. I know I would not cut my hair over this, but the feeling remains that everyone is laughing at me. I am the only guy with hair of this length in the school. I feel so damn lonely sometimes. Don't get me wrong I have plenty of friends, but sometimes I feel like Im just embarrassing them. It's got to the point that I try to find ways out of going places with them, I'm starting to shun their attention and that makes me feel even worse.
I feel like there is no way out of this, I just wish people could understand and not judge me like this.
It didn't used to get to me, but now I feel overcome.
Thanks for listening.
Re: Help...
Posted by The Rev on April 25, 2002 at 16:44:28: Previous Next
In Reply to: Help... posted by Tired Out on April 25, 2002 at 16:31:01:
Why do you think they hassle you?
You are unique. You said yourself that no one in your school has long hair like yours. No insult intended, but teenagers, in my experience, basically have no idea who the hell they are, yet are desperate to find out. Facing that, your class mates see you coming, proclaiming your individuality for all to see. How does that make them feel? It reminds them how messed up they are, and how messed up you ARE NOT. I know you know better, that you feel messed up and confused sometimes too, but they don't see that. They just see someone with the guts to be himself, when they don't have the same guts.
The threat you pose to them may be all subconscious, but it is nevertheless real, and they will respond to it, chiefly by trying to bring you down.
Don't give into this nonsense. Grow your hair, be yourself, and laugh when people hassle you, because you know the only reason they do it is because you make them feel insecure.
Hope that helps,
The Rev
Re: Help...
Posted by I wish I had a beard on April 25, 2002 at 18:44:58: Previous Next
In Reply to: Re: Help... posted by The Rev on April 25, 2002 at 16:44:28:
I know how you feel. Im the same age as you and Im also overweight (not massively, but noticably enough). This leaves me open for a lot of harsh critisism. Im lucky to have more than one long haired from (Revolver Ocelot is one of them). It got to me for a while, but the more I pretended it didnt hurt...the less it actually hurt. I just became so used to it that I became desensitised to it. Both of the posts above make the very accurate point that alot of the harrassment is about insecurity in themselves: they dont know what they want or where they're going and they see you with long hair, making you more indepentand than them and making you a threat.
This world is also a pretty shallow place. Unless you conform to the majority and become a mindless puppet then you're always gonna be open to stick from others-but its a small price to pay for being able to feel like yourself rather than a copy of someone else. Too many people make too much of a fuss about hair, its not something that should matter. There are for more important things going on in the world than the length ONE guy has his hair. But there are always people who cant, or refuse, to acknowledge things like this.
Bottom line: the people who make the comments are the ones stuck forever in personality limbo, neither here nor there, whereas you look and act like you want. You allow yourself to BE yourself and dont have to pretend for anyone.
Apologese if that made little sense but its late.
Re: Help...
Posted by I wish I had a beard on April 25, 2002 at 18:46:31: Previous Next
In Reply to: Re: Help... posted by I wish I had a beard on April 25, 2002 at 18:44:58:
More than one long haired friend, not long haired from, that doesnt make sense (I told you it was late).
Re: Help...
Posted by Revolver Ocelot on April 26, 2002 at 12:13:14: Previous Next
In Reply to: Re: Help... posted by I wish I had a beard on April 25, 2002 at 18:44:58:
I agree wholeheartedly with what everyone here has already said.
The people who insult you no nothing of the real world and when they leave school they'll get a nasty shock if they treat anyone remotely different like that!
Re: Help...
Posted by Rokker on April 25, 2002 at 17:10:31: Previous Next
In Reply to: Help... posted by Tired Out on April 25, 2002 at 16:31:01:
I think we've all been in your shoes at one time or another. Everyone has been teased at some point in his or her life.
I know how hard it is at your age. At my age (I'm 39 now), there's really nothing anyone can say that will bother me. It's not that easy when you're a teenager. I know!
Remember, kids are teased for just about anything. Smarter than everyone else? You'll get teased! Overweight? Yep, that's a sure bet for getting teased. In short, teasing can occur over anything. If you were to cut your hair, who's to say you won't get teased for something else?
What you have to remember is that those who tease others are doing it to somehow gain some social status with their friends. It'll always be done in front of an audience. Try to keep in mind that whoever is teasing you is doing so because they're unhappy about themselves, and teasing you is their way of coping with their own shortcomings.
There are ways to deal with this. Try to ignore the teaser(s). Without a response, they don't get any satisfaction from the teasing. If this doesn't work, heck, agree with him. Say "yeah, I do have long hair, and I understand your jealousy since mommy won't let you have anything better than a dork cut".
Whatever you do, don't let someone else control what you do. Ultimately, you have complete and total power over the situation. If you cut your hair or otherwise give in, you're giving the power of your own life to someone else. Think about it!
Teasing can only hurt you or bother you if you let it. I know it's not easy, especially at your age, but try to remember that a teaser is no different than a bully, and that what he says is insignificant.
Also, your friends are real friends! They haven't turned their backs on you, and you shouldn't turn your back on them either. You're lucky to have the friends you have, so keep them!
Oh...and keep talking to us here on the board. We're your "web friends", and we're here for you too, bud!
Re: Help...
Posted by M. on April 25, 2002 at 23:09:34: Previous Next
In Reply to: Help... posted by Tired Out on April 25, 2002 at 16:31:01:
Well, i guess the guys have said it all. Trust me i know how hard it is, but if you did cut your hair everyone would know you only did it because of them. Maybe not now, but when you're older people will respect you for following your own decisions, not others and this is the perfect time to see if you are going to be someone like that or someone that will give in on other people's wantings.
Who knows, maybe in a year or two long hair will be "cool" again (i hate cool) and everyone will think how cool you are because you have longer hair than them.
Re: Help...
Posted by BMC on April 26, 2002 at 00:11:34: Previous Next
In Reply to: Help... posted by Tired Out on April 25, 2002 at 16:31:01:
Man, I have BEEN THERE. And I know it sucks. I know it's a lot easier to say than do, but you have to not let it get to you. Sometimes though- it will, and sometimes, even after years of being a longhair, it still gets to me too. Walk proud, and when they say something or laugh- YAWN. It sends a pretty clear signal that you're bored with it and it's not getting to you. Hopefully they will move on to something else. If you cut it, they will know they can get to you, and will probably just find something else about you to pick on.
About your friends, don't shun them. If they were embarrassed to hang out with you, they wouldn't. Don't punish them for being good friends. I have friends with buzzcuts and some who look like they stepped out of GQ magazine- and yeah, sometimes we get looks when we hang out. Hopefully, it's sending a message to people that, "No, people do not have to look exactly alike in order to be friends."
Hang in there.
Re: Help...
Posted by Baldie the Eagle on April 26, 2002 at 00:19:26: Previous Next
In Reply to: Help... posted by Tired Out on April 25, 2002 at 16:31:01:
All the replies you have had so far are good and make sense.
Although I'm over three times your age (I wish I hadn't written that, it makes me feel old) I can remember back that far and how a lot of people I knew at that age just wanted to tease people they perceived as 'different'. I had to put up with a lot of it from one small group of idiots: not for hair, at that time schools had strict rules which we had to stick to, but I was always being teased/bullied for some reason or another. My parents didn't have a car or a TV (they still don't); I was interested in classical music and played the violin and the piano; and so on. It would not have mattered what I did, they would still have found some excuse to make fun of me.
It isn't easy to ignore this kind of thing, but one way maybe you can help yourself is by regarding all the comments as a kind of compliment. You look different because you have great hair which you like. Every comment is an acknowledgement by them that you want to lok different and have been big enough to make your own choice. Try to start enjoying the teasing.
And whatever happens, be yourself and do what YOU want, not what somebody else tells you to do.
Re: Help...
Posted by Tim Beard on April 26, 2002 at 05:36:40: Previous Next
In Reply to: Help... posted by Tired Out on April 25, 2002 at 16:31:01:
: I need help. For a while now I've had shoulder length hair. I am still in high school and I am 17 years old. The problem is...Im tired of it all. Don't get me wrong I really love my hair and I have taken a lot of time and effort to keep it in good condition.
Maybe tieing your hair into a ponytail would help. When I was growing my hair out and it was about shoulder length, it attracted a lot more attention than I wanted, sometimes getting comments from total strangers. Once my hair become long enough to tie back into a ponytail, it didn't get as much attention. I guess most people don't notice it when it is tied back into a ponytail. I don't ever want to cut my hair again because it was so difficult going through the process of growing it until it was long enough to tie back into a ponytail. Once your hair gets long enought to tie back into a ponytail it gets a lot easier to have long hair.
Re: Help…
Posted by A. Michelson on April 27, 2002 at 17:34:23: Previous Next
In Reply to: Re: Help... posted by Tim Beard on April 26, 2002 at 05:36:40:
: I guess most people don't notice it when it is tied back into a ponytail.
That's true!
: Once your hair gets long enought to tie back into a ponytail it gets a lot easier to have long hair.
Once your hair gets long enought to tie back into a ponytail it gets a lot easier to HIDE long hair!
Re: Help...
Posted by Robert on April 26, 2002 at 06:00:07: Previous Next
In Reply to: Help... posted by Tired Out on April 25, 2002 at 16:31:01:
Have you tried sharing with your friends any of what you are telling us? Why not select a few of the closest and tell them how difficult it has been, and that you feel lonely. Ask them if you are an embarassment to them. In other words, ask for the support that you need from those closest to you. You'll be surprised. There's nothing wrong with asking for support. And, generally speaking, guys are not terribly good and telling each other how they feel. You feel lonely. Ask your friends for support.
Robert
: Hi fellow longhairs.
: I need help. For a while now I've had shoulder length hair. I am still in high school and I am 17 years old. The problem is...Im tired of it all. Don't get me wrong I really love my hair and I have taken a lot of time and effort to keep it in good condition.
: The problem is the endless insults and jeers I get. I can't walk from one tuition to the next without some remark. I know you all say to ignore it, but to be honest after over a year of derogatory remarks...Im tired. It really hurts. I know I would not cut my hair over this, but the feeling remains that everyone is laughing at me. I am the only guy with hair of this length in the school. I feel so damn lonely sometimes. Don't get me wrong I have plenty of friends, but sometimes I feel like Im just embarrassing them. It's got to the point that I try to find ways out of going places with them, I'm starting to shun their attention and that makes me feel even worse.
: I feel like there is no way out of this, I just wish people could understand and not judge me like this.
: It didn't used to get to me, but now I feel overcome.
: Thanks for listening.
Thank you all so much!
Posted by Tired Out on April 26, 2002 at 12:10:20: Previous Next
In Reply to: Help... posted by Tired Out on April 25, 2002 at 16:31:01:
Thank you guys!
You really have helped me a lot. Your all so right, the people who say these things are insignificant, Im not even likely to remember them after seeinng them anyways!
Your all a great help!
Thanks for giving up your time for me :-)
update
Posted by paddy on April 26, 2002 at 16:45:36: Previous Next
In Reply to: Thank you all so much! posted by Tired Out on April 26, 2002 at 12:10:20:
hey, please feel free to keep us "updated", like how things are going, if anything happens, etc. well, me anyway, even if you don't post. thanks.
later. :)
Re: update
Posted by Rokker on April 26, 2002 at 16:53:04: Previous Next
In Reply to: update posted by paddy on April 26, 2002 at 16:45:36:
: hey, please feel free to keep us "updated", like how things are going, if anything happens, etc. well, me anyway, even if you don't post. thanks.
: later. :)
Yeah. I agree! Keep us updated on what's happening.
And never forget we're always here for support!
Re: Help...
Posted by Kiat on April 26, 2002 at 12:35:43: Previous Next
In Reply to: Help... posted by Tired Out on April 25, 2002 at 16:31:01:
: Hi fellow longhairs.
: I need help. For a while now I've had shoulder length hair. I am still in high school and I am 17 years old. The problem is...Im tired of it all. Don't get me wrong I really love my hair and I have taken a lot of time and effort to keep it in good condition.
: The problem is the endless insults and jeers I get. I can't walk from one tuition to the next without some remark. I know you all say to ignore it, but to be honest after over a year of derogatory remarks...Im tired. It really hurts. I know I would not cut my hair over this, but the feeling remains that everyone is laughing at me. I am the only guy with hair of this length in the school. I feel so damn lonely sometimes. Don't get me wrong I have plenty of friends, but sometimes I feel like Im just embarrassing them. It's got to the point that I try to find ways out of going places with them, I'm starting to shun their attention and that makes me feel even worse.
: I feel like there is no way out of this, I just wish people could understand and not judge me like this.
: It didn't used to get to me, but now I feel overcome.
: Thanks for listening.
Hey, don't worry. Just ignore them. I'm the guy with the logest hair in school to (the other guy just cut his hair, and his hair was much longer)... Really, some people like it, some peopled don't. You KNOW how people in highschool are...
Love,
Kiat
Re: Help...
Posted by JimEd on April 26, 2002 at 22:21:12: Previous Next
In Reply to: Help... posted by Tired Out on April 25, 2002 at 16:31:01:
I'm interested to know, in what region of the country do you live? It seems that where you live has a lot to do with the atitude people have towards long hair. I live in Memphis, TN, and although there is discrimination against longhairs here, it's not too serious. Last summer, I had my hair braided with weave to resemble the American flag! Of course I got stares, but they were mostly stares of awe, and I got a lot of compliments, too. Hang in there, high school will be over before you know it, and those putzes who tease you will be a distant memory...
Take care,
JimEd
Re: Help...
Posted by Silverfire on April 28, 2002 at 00:01:47: Previous Next
In Reply to: Help... posted by Tired Out on April 25, 2002 at 16:31:01:
Remember, the opinion of these...things...matters little in later life, or even towards the end of high school. When you get to be around 18 or so, you really don't care if you've been taking garbage for years. They have to come up with something really creative, and the masses of morons in a high school hasn't got the mental capacity to pronounce the word 'clothes' (and I'm serious here, this really did happen in my English class a while ago) let alone think up an ego-crushing insult. And besides, I hear there are so many benefits, like the women who are apparently attracted to men with long hair. At least you're not a clone of whichever idiot is the idol of the month...yes, I first had a desire for longhairdom because of a video game character (and that's still a part of it, four years after I saw the glory know as Sephiroth) but only now I've been able to implement that desire, and the other interests that caused the wish for long hair. Uhh...I'm not making any sense here, am I? Just ignore the idiots. And we're always here, aren't we?
Re: Help...
Posted by T on April 29, 2002 at 00:29:11: Previous Next
In Reply to: Help... posted by Tired Out on April 25, 2002 at 16:31:01:
This post is long.
/
I'm 22 and I had a hard time in high school too. I'm a woman, so my problems didn't stem from long hair, but I was lonely enough just the same.
/
I went to 5 different high schools and I was even more lonely every time I moved. I've always been friends with long haired guys and there weren't any at the last 2 schools. I dressed differently and had completely different tastes in music than everyone else. This meant that most students and teachers acted as if I was invisible. I also felt self-consious and uncomfortable around the few friends I did have. I was depressed.
/
If you continue to feel your friends are embarrassed by you when they show no signs of this, try talking to a school counselor. Usually, pulling away from the people you're close to in this way means your problems are getting serious. I think you should get help before you start to lose hope and stop caring about yourself. Once this happens, you stop setting goals and expectations for yourself and you can't achieve the things you deserve.
/
Ignore the idiots, but if you think there's something wrong, don't ignore that.