For Tommy Turbo
Posted by Patrick on August 24, 2002 at 16:42:16: Previous Next
First of all, I am sorry that you feel so much pain. What seems to be really going on is that you feel violated and betrayed, and have lost a part of yourself. In addition, you have lost trust not only with your supervisor, but in your own ability to manage and care for yourself. You are experiencing loss and anger and grief.
It's really amazing what can cause us to feel such a depth of loss and sadness. But the real issue here is not the length of hair (that will grow back over time and that is something that you own and control), but the violation and betrayal. That is where the anger is rooted, along with the fear of it happening again.
So how do you move on? First, you have to accept the loss of your length and the trust--it happened, it can't be changed, and in the words of one of my favorite people "it is what it is". Someone manipulated you into what he/she wanted, and you got hurt in the process--that's the real world, it happened and you got hurt. Nothing can make that any different than how it happened.
The good news is that your journey (and that's really what life is) is going to include growing out your hair again and all the good feelings that go along with that accomplishment. Take the time to enjoy it, to anticipate it, to cherish it and to celebrate every milestone that comes along with increased length. There can be a lot of excitement and healing in doing that.
Your journey also includes deciding whether you want to be a mistrusting, bitter person who can't deal with reality. I know that sounds harsh, but that is where you're heading. YOU control your life and your choices, and that is the lesson you've learned here. Don't be deceived and fall into the trap of hating life. Look for joy and you will find it--there is so much to appreciate--at least you aren't going bald! And at least you can direct your will to the positive.
Now as for the betrayer: pity him/her that he/she is that way, manipulative and afraid. DON'T BE THAT PERSON! Clearly you have no trust for that person, so don't feel like you have to. Be honest about the lack of respect and trust you have, but don't beat it into the ground. Be the better person--you won't regret it.
Finally--I wish you the best. Healing comes in time and with good choices. Take the time to grow from this experience and you will cease being a victim. It's your choice--make it a good one.
Patrick
Re: For Tommy Turbo
Posted by MAK on August 24, 2002 at 17:58:48: Previous Next
In Reply to: For Tommy Turbo posted by Patrick on August 24, 2002 at 16:42:16:
: First of all, I am sorry that you feel so much pain. What seems to be really going on is that you feel violated and betrayed, and have lost a part of yourself. In addition, you have lost trust not only with your supervisor, but in your own ability to manage and care for yourself. You are experiencing loss and anger and grief.
: It's really amazing what can cause us to feel such a depth of loss and sadness. But the real issue here is not the length of hair (that will grow back over time and that is something that you own and control), but the violation and betrayal. That is where the anger is rooted, along with the fear of it happening again.
: So how do you move on? First, you have to accept the loss of your length and the trust--it happened, it can't be changed, and in the words of one of my favorite people "it is what it is". Someone manipulated you into what he/she wanted, and you got hurt in the process--that's the real world, it happened and you got hurt. Nothing can make that any different than how it happened.
: The good news is that your journey (and that's really what life is) is going to include growing out your hair again and all the good feelings that go along with that accomplishment. Take the time to enjoy it, to anticipate it, to cherish it and to celebrate every milestone that comes along with increased length. There can be a lot of excitement and healing in doing that.
: Your journey also includes deciding whether you want to be a mistrusting, bitter person who can't deal with reality. I know that sounds harsh, but that is where you're heading. YOU control your life and your choices, and that is the lesson you've learned here. Don't be deceived and fall into the trap of hating life. Look for joy and you will find it--there is so much to appreciate--at least you aren't going bald! And at least you can direct your will to the positive.
: Now as for the betrayer: pity him/her that he/she is that way, manipulative and afraid. DON'T BE THAT PERSON! Clearly you have no trust for that person, so don't feel like you have to. Be honest about the lack of respect and trust you have, but don't beat it into the ground. Be the better person--you won't regret it.
: Finally--I wish you the best. Healing comes in time and with good choices. Take the time to grow from this experience and you will cease being a victim. It's your choice--make it a good one.
: Patrick
great advive for TommyTurbo...
Posted by LucksKind on August 24, 2002 at 17:59:19: Previous Next
In Reply to: For Tommy Turbo posted by Patrick on August 24, 2002 at 16:42:16:
....and I certainly hope he reads it and gets the message.
'Events,' such as the one that happened to Tommy, can ruin
a person for life if he isn't very careful.
Healing WILL come with time IF it is allowed to happen.
And one more thing: There are some people in this world...
...who can never (and shouldn't be) trusted...
....avoid the poison if at all possible.
Re: For Tommy Turbo
Posted by Tommy Turbo on August 24, 2002 at 18:54:25: Previous Next
In Reply to: For Tommy Turbo posted by Patrick on August 24, 2002 at 16:42:16:
I will have to give it a try. I supose it will take time, and it will be two years this oct. It has been growing back since and is past my shoulders right know. I can put it up now too. think I am doing ok, and I see somebody with hair like me before and it is like a switch inside and the anger turns on really strong. I have tried to be positive, and I admit from one standpoint it has an advantage. The first time I grew it out I was younger and didn't care for it as well as I do Know. So I think I will have healthier hair this time. I will see If I can't get a photo on here soon. Thanks For the support.
Only time will tell what happens with this, But I don't want to be makeing my self worse, or sick from all this.
I can only hope no one else is forced to suffer like this, I didn't relize how much it could hurt. I have done a lot of research on the subjuect, and can't beleive how biased the society is, over something so irrelivent as hairstyle. One would think people could make decisions on job performance and quality of work, stuff that matters.
Re: For Tommy Turbo
Posted by Baldie the Eagle on August 25, 2002 at 15:49:17: Previous Next
In Reply to: Re: For Tommy Turbo posted by Tommy Turbo on August 24, 2002 at 18:54:25:
One would think people could make decisions on job performance and quality of work, stuff that matters.
Most bosses are too stupid to know whether you are doing your work well or not, That is why they look at irrelevant things, because it's all they understand.
Good luck. Time is slow, but a great healer. It took me 20 years to get back to where I was at the age of 21.