Hair Horror Awards

Hair Horror Awards
 Posted by Rokker on February 21, 2003 at 17:26:37: Previous Next

Let's discuss bad hair ideas, shall we? The undercut is the most recent debate, but not the only hair fashion debate people have had over the years.

The top bad hair ideas of all time include....
May I have a drum roll please.....

How about that infamous, short-lived hairstyle they called the "quiff". That's the one where you had short, not quite buzzed hair all over and this longer patch right in front. Remember that? Oh yes, another hairstyle that never looked good in the first place yet was hugely popular. The best quiff, and the one to earn bonus points, was when they'd dye the quiff a different color than the rest of the hair. The little blonde quiff and the rest of the hair brown. A classic hair horror!

The world famous mohawk! Although a destinctive style, few people can pull off the mohawk without looking like a complete m*r*n. There can be several variations to the mohawk, but the traditional long haired mohawk is without doubt the best way to wear this style. The mohawk is basically the king of all undercuts.

The Afro! The FRO! Big hair has never seen anything like it! The bigger the better with this style. I remember my African American classmates, and even some of the white boys sporting a killer fro. The pictures are always good for a laugh. Lenny Kravitz has a sort of fro going on today, and it works for him. Gotta give this style its props based on Lenny alone!

The skinhead! It became a very popular hairstyle in the late 90s. It's ugly on about 90% of all men. But some, like Vin Diesel, actually look good with it. Which gives this cut an edge over the undercut, since no one in history has looked even half-a$$ed decent with an undercut.

Perhaps no hairstyle in history has ever said "I'm old, but trying to be hip" quite like the comb-over! It's the hairstyle of choice among aging men, allowing them to cover up their baldness, even if the results are not very effective. Men with a comb-over will usually carry a comb at all times to allow for adjustments, especially on those windy days when the hair may be forcibly removed from its "cover position". Another drawback for this style is the simple act of bending over, as the hair will fall from its coveted and much desired "cover position". High maintenance, low effectiveness give this style two thumbs down and the #3 position of all time hair horrors!

The mullet! The very word MULLET has come to describe a haircut that is short on the top and long at the back. The mullet can still be seen everywhere in trailer parks and redneck bars. In the late 80s and throughout much of the 90s it worked its way into fashion magazines, rock stars, and into the public eye. No style was worse than the god awful mullet. But the style worked for one man, who to this day continues to have one, albeit much less "mulletish" than ten years ago. I'm speaking of course about "Doc"...oh yeah...Billy Ray Cyrus. His style today works for him. Because of that, the mullet can only attain the #2 spot.

Which leads us all to....

The number one all time bad hair idea of all time! It can only go to one style. The undercut creates a very noticeable mullet-like effect which for some strange reason is considered by some to be really cool. Made popular by wrestlers, this cut actually looks quite ridiculous. But no worry, it provides many of us with a good chuckle and the inner peace of knowing that we are at least smarter than some people out there! It has replaced the mullet as the hairstyle of choice among trailer park residents and RASSLIN fans! Because no one can attain an even reasonably decent look with it, the undercut comes in at #1 on the Hair Horror Of All Time Awards!

Why oh why must people make themselves look so silly? Why oh why, I ask!

I would mention Kobain hair, but it was never really a style. It was just the result of self hair cutting and lack of washing or even brushing/ combing. It can't be called a "style" since there was no styling involved.

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