message to shelley re: your boys
Posted by ImOutHere2 on October 10, 2001 at 12:11:43: Previous Next
Hi Shelley,
Read with much interest your post re: your boys' hair length and styling interests. I think that you have done absolutely nothing wrong. The problems for your boys come (and will come) from those times they want to explore their natural curiosities and are stopped or shamed in those attempts.
I speak from personal experience. When i was young, I got to accompany my mom to the "beauty shop" every Saturday morning. It wasn't even an option -- I had to get up at 7 am so she could be there at 745 for apptmt. BUT...i didnt mind because it seemed such a happy little clublike place that i wanted to be a part of. Women would come in and get treated like queens and pampered to the max. They would get their hair rolled and get to sit for long periods of time in a back area under a dryer drinking coffee or reading a book or both. Sometimes I was allowed to sit next to mom in a dryer chair and feel the relaxing warmth. AND the smells...heaven!!
But one day it ended -- the day I asked mom if i could get me hair rolled with her. I wasn't aware of the implications at the time, but immediately was told that what i was asking for was "for girls" and "boys dont do that". Immediately, i was thrown into confusion! I WAS a boy, wasnt I? But -- oh no! -- i wanted to do girl's stuff!!!
Long story short: hair length became an obsession with me, a way to rebel against authority. it also led to some gender confusion issues with me that i THINK i have resolved...
For me the story has a happy ending -- i married a gorgeous woman who happens to love long hair on a man, and i even go for regular roller sets in a salon. But, i am now late 40s and went through about 25 years of self-loathing and "oppression" because of who i thought i might or might not be and the disappointment it would be to others.
Spare your boys from that -- let them know that whatever they want to do is okay. If they outgrow it, great. If not, great too!!