Letter from a best friend: yr comments
Posted by T a r i k h on November 03, 2003 at 05:06:10: Previous Next
First of all, I think it would be good for you to get your
hair cut as I had previously mentioned to you because a lot
of people are quite narrow-minded and they judge people
unnecessarily. Simply because you are different and people
would automatically pass judgements on you. Therefore
unless you can live with that kind of sentiments, it would
be difficult for people to take you seriously simply by
looking at your hair (of course I for one who looks beyond
the outer appearance but most people are not like me!) As
a good friend, I just want to be honest with you about this.
Secondly, I think you will have a better chance to find a
job if you have short hair unless you work for the arts and
entertainment industry.
Re: Letter from a best friend: yr comments
Posted by Michael Odle on November 03, 2003 at 06:25:47: Previous Next
In Reply to: Letter from a best friend: yr comments posted by T a r i k h on November 03, 2003 at 05:06:10:
*slaps forehead*
Why, of course! Why didn't I listen before?
Re: ideas
Posted by Hair Religion on November 03, 2003 at 17:10:28: Previous Next
In Reply to: Re: Letter from a best friend: yr comments posted by Michael Odle on November 03, 2003 at 06:25:47:
Ya, just because I care and this is the best thing I could come up with...so good in fact that it deserved to be written down and expressed to you...and you should take it seriously...really, I'm not trying to be like a parent, it's just such good reverse psychology that you can't ignore it...and shouldn't...it's what is best for you...really.
: )~~~~
Re: Letter from a best friend: yr comments
Posted by clarkelane on November 03, 2003 at 07:29:58: Previous Next
In Reply to: Letter from a best friend: yr comments posted by T a r i k h on November 03, 2003 at 05:06:10:
This says a lot more about the person writing than you (or the world at large).
My sense is that men who grow their hair long are somehow concerned with their individuality-- if not that, then with physically expressing some facet of their identity (or sense of values). Most of the world is concerned with containing human expression and freedom. As I see it, one of the consequences in following this advice is finding that the compromise is hollow. Yes, you might find yourself more marketable, but will you be happy in a job that will only acccept you if you are a conformist?
I've played this game most of my life-- succumbing to the pressure to cut my hair at critical moments in my career. Generally, I've found that the action hasn't advanced me in fulfilling ways. Also, when my hair has been long, I've been able to leverage promotions, etc. I've found that the creative, interesting bosses that I've had have respected me for my individuality. Indeed, having long hair has been a tool in establishing a professional persona of conviction.
At the end of the day, employers who are worth working for are interested in the quality of my work. Being rigorous and competent has meant more than looking like a magazine model.
I also think having long hair scares people. They can't quite figure out how we muster the conviction to step outside of the bounds of conformist society (and envy our strength).
Before you ask, yes, I work in liberal settings -- academia, the arts,and community development. But the economy is large and more diversethan we're led to believe.
just my 2 cents.
Pete
Re: Letter from a best friend: yr comments
Posted by Longhaired Paul on November 03, 2003 at 08:48:24: Previous Next
In Reply to: Letter from a best friend: yr comments posted by T a r i k h on November 03, 2003 at 05:06:10:
: Secondly, I think you will have a better chance to find a
: job if you have short hair unless you work for the arts and
: entertainment industry.
Or the high-tech industry.
Re: Letter from a best friend: yr comments
Posted by ColdFlu on November 03, 2003 at 09:06:39: Previous Next
In Reply to: Letter from a best friend: yr comments posted by T a r i k h on November 03, 2003 at 05:06:10:
Your friend could be disguising his/her own feelings within this letter. Either that or overly concerned with how you could be treated by others. Your friend appears to be more concerned about any issues with your long-hair than yourself. Usually that means he or she has some personal issue with your long hair. I'm not sure what feedback you are looking for here. I recommend talking about this with that person if it what they wrote has any affect on you.
Re: Letter from a best friend: yr comments
Posted by Sorted on November 03, 2003 at 14:06:40: Previous Next
In Reply to: Letter from a best friend: yr comments posted by T a r i k h on November 03, 2003 at 05:06:10:
: First of all, I think it would be good for you to get your
: hair cut as I had previously mentioned to you because a lot
: of people are quite narrow-minded and they judge people
: unnecessarily.
Its already bin said, but it needs saying again - this person cannot speak for society at large, their comments are not based on any real research - they have to be speaking for themselves. Either that or their perception of others is rather warped.
: Secondly, I think you will have a better chance to find a
: job if you have short hair unless you work for the arts and
: entertainment industry.
You could add to this list: the IT sector, academic/teaching/ science/research (all sectors), manual labour/ call centres infact it would be shorter to list the professions and business sectors where hair length is an issue:
Police Service
Armed Services
Legal Profession, lawyers, judges etc. (but the wigs are OK [confused])
Public Relations.
Re: Letter from a best friend: yr comments
Posted by elektros on November 04, 2003 at 00:25:38: Previous Next
In Reply to: Re: Letter from a best friend: yr comments posted by Sorted on November 03, 2003 at 14:06:40:
: : First of all, I think it would be good for you to get your
: : hair cut as I had previously mentioned to you because a lot
: : of people are quite narrow-minded and they judge people
: : unnecessarily.
: Its already bin said, but it needs saying again - this person cannot speak for society at large, their comments are not based on any real research - they have to be speaking for themselves. Either that or their perception of others is rather warped.
: : Secondly, I think you will have a better chance to find a
: : job if you have short hair unless you work for the arts and
: : entertainment industry.
: You could add to this list: the IT sector, academic/teaching/ science/research (all sectors), manual labour/ call centres infact it would be shorter to list the professions and business sectors where hair length is an issue:
: Police Service
: Armed Services
: Legal Profession, lawyers, judges etc. (but the wigs are OK [confused])
: Public Relations.
I'm not sure I'd include the legal profession. Instead I would add the fire brigade.
Thank them.
Posted by Elizabeth Regina on November 03, 2003 at 21:59:59: Previous Next
In Reply to: Letter from a best friend: yr comments posted by T a r i k h on November 03, 2003 at 05:06:10:
Tarikh,
Here's my take on ways to handle it.
: First of all, I think it would be good for you to get your hair cut as I had previously mentioned to you because a lot of people are quite narrow-minded and they judge people unnecessarily.
Go for sarcasm- "Yes, having the good opinion of people I will in most likelyhood never see again is important to me. Take my current hair length as no indication whatsoever of my sincere intention to follow through on the advice you so kindly gave me once before."
:Simply because you are different and people would automatically pass judgements on you. Therefore unless you can live with that kind of sentiments, it would be difficult for people to take you seriously simply by looking at your hair
Perhaps some wide eyed agreement- "I believe you are right that the only possible judgments people could form of me with long hair would be bad ones. Being thought creative, patient, or interesting would not enter thir minds."
At this point you might also offer some "friendly" advice in return, their writing skills could use a bit of improving. I'd say that has an effect on how they are perceived by others just as they are not making a good impression on me. The friend puts a lot of weight on what strangers are thinking so that might be advice they would want to know about.
:(of course I for one who looks beyond the outer appearance but most people are not like me!) As a good friend, I just want to be honest with you about this.
A blantant twist of their intent can be fun too- "Thank you for wanting to help me out of an obviously genuine concern for my well being. In fact, I believe your words have helped me put the opinions of others in a better perspective than before. How they see me doesn't matter, that is even when others think of me at all. It would be pretty conceited of me to assume everybody is thinking about my hair length. Thanks for pretending to encourage me to cut in an effort to make me think. You had me going for a bit, but I should have known any real friend like you would but my personal well being first. So sorry to have doubted you even for a moment."
: Secondly, I think you will have a better chance to find a job if you have short hair unless you work for the arts and entertainment industry.
Keep being annoyingly positive about the message- "If an employer cares more abut my hair than credentials then I shall embrace that gorgeous hair (okay, maybe you would not put it quite that way Tarikh, that's how I see it on you, but something like that) which so handily assists in weeding out places I would not want to work. Thanks also for steering me toward an art career, perhaps involving my photography, because you want to help me keep my hair. That is what friends do after all, help each other achieve what they want by being supportive. I am so glad you wrote. Now my resolve is firmer than ever thanks to you."
Busy wondering why I don't get letters like these to play with but gleefully realizing I look like someone already hoplessly too far beyond fixing,
Elizabeth
Re: Thank them.
Posted by T a r i k h on November 07, 2003 at 04:56:03: Previous Next
In Reply to: Thank them. posted by Elizabeth Regina on November 03, 2003 at 21:59:59:
Hi,
Thanx
But one question if i may:
why do you use this nickname? Do you really like Quenn Elisabeth?
Names
Posted by Elizabeth Regina on November 07, 2003 at 22:58:45: Previous Next
In Reply to: Re: Thank them. posted by T a r i k h on November 07, 2003 at 04:56:03:
: why do you use this nickname? Do you really like Quenn Elisabeth?
My first name is indeed Elizabeth, I think quite highly of myself, and am a history fan.
I have wondered about your name too. Any chance it means "handsome long dark hair?" :-)
Monarch in her own right,
Elizabeth