Now...about music, long hair, etc....

Now...about music, long hair, etc....
Posted by Rokker on March 05, 2002 at 11:10:45: Previous Next

When flannel replaced spandex, rock music became dreary, pushed by a slogging bass line that trampled everything nonsensical in its sight. The frantic, showy guitar solos and more importantly, THE FUN, went out of rock.

Grunge was depressing. I can't believe that anyone actually believed grunge would cure all of music's ills! Unkempt beards and flannel do little to get the heart racing. We need some glitz. We need some glamour. We need some LONG HAIR!!! We need a return to life in the fast lane, Vegas style. I’m talkin’ limos. I’m talkin’ champagne. I’m talkin’ show girls. I’m talkin’ hot tubs. I’m talkin’ music videos where the LONG HAIRED lead singer is strung high above lunatic crowds like a marionette while fireworks erupt on stage and lights strobe across a LONG HAIRED guy playing guitar with his teeth. The hair bands were about partying all night, motorcycles and of course -- girls, girls, girls.

I've been to concerts by bands of both genres, and I can attest that the concerts were completely different. The hair bands came to entertain. The stages were big. The special effects were outlandish. World War I didn't have as many bomb blasts, explosions and smoke. When the hair bands came to town, it was an event. Women, dressed in short dresses showed plenty of cleavage and even more leg. They sashayed about the Coliseum floor, providing a show themselves. Long-haired guys in ripped jeans and cowboy boots came ready to party and worship at the front of the stage. They came to headbang, not mosh.

Despite the predictable play list -- big explosive intro, rapid run through of a couple new songs, the "Hello Dallas Fu*king Texas," a collection of hits, an extended guitar solo, a power ballad, a drum solo and then a high octane send-off featuring the biggest hits -- each show was a much-anticipated extravaganza. Tommy Lee soloed in a revolving drum kit dressed only in a g-string. David Lee Roth rode a surfboard over the crowd. Both of them had LONG HAIR!!!

MTV came to life before your eyes. Every show was an outlandish cartoon with the sole mission of entertaining. Oh yeah, and the music was really fu*king good! Grunge sucked. There has never been a band with less talent than Nirvana, and the bands that were like them all sucked horribly.

C’mon, gimme the days when four LONG HAIRED band members would scurry off stage halfway through the concert to shoot up, knock back a few, and get laid while the LONG HAIRED frontman sang his solo ballad about the purity of love.

Now THAT'S rock and roll, baby!


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